krisdoyyy05

: krisdoyyy05; September 12th, 2010

That is all my heart is doing.
It feels nothing currently, I'm not sure how long it's been since I have felt this way.

It seems like FOREVER.

I hope this is good.
I hope my attorney follows through.

I'm standing up for myself.
I have to.

I will be continuously sick if I stay in this boat.

I've had the day to relax, and clear my mind.
For what I can clear, has been calm. Since around 12:00 am, at least.

The last plane nearly freaked me out a little, no lie.
I don't think it helped the fact that I was sitting in the 2nd row and overheard the stuartress open the cabin and ask the pilot, "Are we broken?"

WHAT THE FUCK LADY!
Not only am I on this tiny fucking crop feeder plane, that has 10 foot long propellers on each side, but also is so ungodly loud that I thought I was going to throw up. Not helping that right after she said that, we stalled for about 5 minutes.

Then we took off.
I can't describe the turbulence...I just know that at any moment I would not be surprised if we flipped.
I was ready.

The clouds were pretty, although every one we went through seemed to be rougher than the one before it.

At least I know what to look for ward to on my first flight tomorrow.

I am ready to go to court.
I am ready to fix all of my issues.
I'm tired of getting in trouble.
I never got into trouble before I started driving.
Fuck turning 16.
Fuck turning 20.
This has been the longest, worse year of my life.

I love you.
I love that you are my best friend.

We compliment one another very well.
We are pretty fucking awesome. :)

I CAN NOT WAIT TO SEE YOU.

Martes.

: krisdoyyy05; June 15th, 2010

It's been so long.

What have I been doing??

I'm listening to Madonna, it's making me happier than a bear.

A bear that just found a berry bush, of course.

I wonder if my mom knows me?
I can remember us getting along so well when I was younger.
Always talking, sharing opinions.
I knew her as a friend, sort of.

I never wanted my mom to be my friend.

My mom thinks I'm just like my father.
And, then some days I'm like her.

I'm my own person, mom.
Don't you get it?

Enough.

Hi baby.
:D

They say that California is nice and warm this time of year,
baby say the word and we will just disappear.

You.
Yes, you.

My friend, you are a very special lady.
I do know.

You amaze me.

I'm almost positive that the feeling is similar to when a forest has a rain shower.

You overwhelm me.
It's the only repetitive thing that I like.

Wonderful, is what you are.

I'm going to pick you up.
I miss you.

Reading your thoughts, makes me happy.
Warm.

Don't forget it.

I knew then.

: krisdoyyy05; March 23rd, 2010

What's her name
Causing me to be fatigued
unbelievable smile
What's her name
she devoured my focus
beyond intrigued
What's her name
Causing me to be fatigued.

Written for you.
Summer of '06.

Blowing wind.

: krisdoyyy05; March 23rd, 2010

I won't let you fall. Not without me.

Never forget that, in any circumstance.

I want to thank you for a great birthday.
I had a lot of fun, and you did a good job on keeping it a surprise, :).

I know that March has been a tough month.
And, I've been prepared for quite some time.
It's going to be what it's going to be, and I'm not here to change anything.

I'm only here to love you.

"I know you want to take an eye for an eye, but pretty soon the whole world will be blind."

: krisdoyyy05; March 1st, 2010

Current Mood:: listless

I realized today that it has been a month since I have posted an entry.
This has honestly been a horrible month.
I want all of this to just go away.
I don't know what to think of the empty walls.
The empty rooms.

The Fear.

I don't know if there will be a right time.
I mean, I don't think that there is necessarily a "right time", but there has to be better timing than this.
I guess the world wants to see how much shit that I can handle at once.

Well, I'm handling it.
I won't let it drive me insane.
Fuck off.

I miss your smile.
I miss you.

I'm ready for everything to be settled.
I feel like I have been on a small boat during a thunderstorm.

I'm tired of rocking.

Ten days until I am 20.
Happy Fucking Birthday.

"Better have ya Nike's on, I'm faster than lightening bruhh."

I'm getting ready to run, run far away.

That's gayyyyyerish.

: krisdoyyy05; February 1st, 2010

You're my favorite.

Fuck the bullshit!

To be completely honest,

: krisdoyyy05; January 28th, 2010

Current Mood:: lonely

I hate my mind most days.
I hate the voices within my head.
I hate the silent blank stares.
I hate it so much.
So damn much.

I hate not being able to stop recollecting.
I don't appreciate the depressed sleepiness.
Nor the hunger, but not caring to, or able to actually eat.

I have a problem.
A serious problem.

I need someone around me at all times.
I don't enjoy being alone anymore.
I don't know what has happened to me.
It's like empty nest syndrome,
But instead I feel like I've lost all the love ever given to me,

And, It's like a tugowar.
When will I get it back?
Because every day is a different day.
And every day , it comes and goes.

One day, I'm going to fall in the mud.
And, I'm going to get stuck.
I know this is true.
And, I hate it.
Because I'm better than it.
I know I am.
And, I only know one person in this world who honestly knows me.
One person who honestly believes in me.

No matter what anyone says.
No matter what happens.
No matter of anything.
It's a love that is everlasting.

And, I have accepted that.

"I'm not from Europe, I don't know!!!"

: krisdoyyy05; January 15th, 2010

Current Mood:: amused!

Aqua Teen Hunger Force

Master Shake: That's a deep kiss too, like the Europeans. You know, the French, they have to unhinge their jaw to show love.

:)

To be continued.

: krisdoyyy05; January 5th, 2010

When your gone, the words i need to hear, that get me through the day, the words I need to hear, to make everything okay.

Fuck my life. I hate you Avril Lavigne.

I should be happy.
I want to be.
I am, on the outside.
You, honestly, make me very very happy.
I'm an idiot when I'm alone.
I freak out.
I feel like no one wants me.
I feel like everything that I have done in my past has all been a major fuck up and I'll never be able to sustain a decent relationship with someone because I completely and utterly get defensive and become an idiot.
I hate my life.
I hate my feelings.

Tell me if this makes sense;
I can see everything positive in an upcoming situation, but I can't find positive in the past.
I cnant honestly say that the past is over.
It's bound to come back and ask me for another round.
I know it will.

Throw.

: krisdoyyy05; January 4th, 2010

"I never meant to lead you on, I knew I loved him all along" is what you said to me.

It was just a dream.

I wanted to cry. I haven't been scared in that way in a long time.
I hate waking up that way. Having a bad dream, just makes me think of it all day long.
My mind honestly wants to make my everyday being, hell.

It was just a dream.

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